Circle of life

What a coincidence. As I glimpse through the Daily Prompt WordPress topics, this one headline catches my eyes “Latest disagreement with a family member or relative – in their perspective“. Seems as if the bold thick font against the white background glares louder than it is intended to…

Strangely, disagreement has been taking company of my shadow for a while now. One becomes aware of the world of difference between perspectives only when you try to merge two sides of a coin. Various nuances and imperfections of opinions of two people, especially while treading on delicate topics like marriage.

It is more of lifestyle than tradition among Indian families to seek out suitable alliance as the girl approaches 24. I had heard the deadly siren few years back warning me of the upcoming danger and since then I have been dodging about for a while. I can be best described as a vagabond, a humanitarian, an idealist and a bit of a rebel and this makes me an explosive odd mixture. Marriage market works in a peculiar way these days, more like a grocery store where we walk through the aisles examining the vegetables picking them carefully so as to get the best fresh, green and pesticide free ones. We make a note of the farms they come from too.. Yes, this is indeed the best available method we have to buy the groceries. 

And for this you have an endless list of portals, Bharat matrimony, Jeevan saathi, religious community matrimonial sites along with the traditional marriage brokers, you mom’s relative, your dad’s colleague, you neighbour, your aunt’s second cousin’s curious wife, the uncle who lives across the street, the lady at grocery stall…  But what if I want to do the shopping ? 🙂 That’s when it all starts.

Marriage is all about compatibility, pile of responsibility, stability, commitment, a lot of those ‘ity’ and ‘ment’ words. Wouldn’t it be the easiest if I could find someone of my choice at the time when I feel I should settle down? Someone whom I know and I’m comfortable with? Or at the least, a little time? But then our society delves into the nitty gritty of these delicate matters, ‘how well known is the family?’, ‘which sub-cast, which religion?, ‘own a a car?’, ‘how much gold”, ‘get her married before the gold price increases’ , ‘you never know ma, these software engineers most often bring back a someone from abroad as his wife, so get him married soon’. Generally, the 
to-be-bride searching for groom (age no bar/ caste no bar/ wealth no bar) is not acceptable for various reasons like it is not the tradition or she may not be aware of all the complications that it can run into and lots of other reasons.

I stack up my defense points every time I attend a family gathering, and then “Aim and Shoot”. But if I could travel backwards to the moment just before I load my point, pause to take a step back and listen, may be they are have a point or they seem to advocate something from their real time experience or the general idea that is being spread. Before them I may look like a hapless girl who may not get a match if I delay the process. (Although I personally feel that an individual at the quarter of his/her life, say he’s unlucky to live till 100, is able to make a wiser decision analyzing and calculating the risks of his/her move, C’mon we are all survivors of every minute of our lives!  ). May be every parent goes through peer pressure (No pun intended) just the like the ones we had in our teens. Or a genuine worried parents’ concern.

 As I try to empathize with them.. Arghh, the slow motion is over, I’m hit!! And I strengthen my defenses to get out of the place alive…. 

A vicious circle….

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